But what I know, is I want to be “better” than yesterday. I feel happiness when I can do what I couldn’t in the past, when my spirit or humanity grow through various experiences. – Just the same as little kids. Lol
From when I was young, I tried to be a “good one”. I was a good girl in front of my family, friends, teacher, boy-friends… I entered a good high-school and university, and entered a stable company.
But always thinking in my heart, “ I do I really want?” “What do I really want to do?” “What am I really good at?”
Every time I think of this, I could never come up with the conclusion, and just run away from thinking. I think this way of living comes from the so many experiences of moving either within the country or abroad. I have no home town. I always have to adopt to the new environment. To be a good girl was the easiest way to fine where I belong in the new environment.
I used to feel disappointed of myself without having any lifework/purpose of living. I have lived for almost 30 years I felt I have done nothing.
But now, I accept myself. Now I respect how I lived in the past, what I felt, learned, take action as a good girl.
I came to Phnom Penh as an expat from a company. In my life in Phnom Penh, I met so many people, listen to so many ways of living, which many of them were way beyond my common sense.
There is no right or wrong. What is important, is if you are happy with your own life.
So, I am happy being a “good one”, with so many friends, family surrounding me with lots of love. I am truly happy working for a big company with many great colleagues. I am happy traveling many places, broaden my experiences.
All of my experiences make my life better than yesterday.
One day, I may find my lifework, or maybe I will not.
But who cares? I am happy living my life, unless I stop trying.